The ever‑watchful pundit known only as Big Eye has thrown the ultimate shade on the proposal to crown a teenage prodigy as Tooro’s next king. In a scathing op‑ed that read like a roast at a royal family reunion, Big Eye warned that a young ruler would probably spend more time perfecting his dance moves than delivering decrees. “A crown is not a Snapchat filter,” he snarked, adding that the kingdom’s ancient scrolls definitely did not include a ‘#RoyalGlowUp’ hashtag. Critics say Big Eye’s rant is just a clever way to keep his own influencer status safe—after all, who wants a kid stealing the spotlight? The royal council is now reportedly considering a ‘no‑kids‑allowed’ clause, while the teenage hopeful is busy rehearsing his coronation speech in the mirror.
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