In a plot twist that would make even the most seasoned reality‑TV producer gasp, indie prodigy Elijah Kitana has apparently decided that his songs are sacred relics, not commodities. Sources say he writes melodies in the dead of night, then tucks them away like priceless heirlooms, refusing to even consider a price tag. “It’s art, not a garage sale,” he allegedly mutters, while fans scramble for a bootleg version that might as well be a unicorn. The drama? The world is left wondering if his next hit will ever see the light of day—or if we’ll have to start a Kickstarter just to hear the chorus.
You do it, we report it.